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Bachelor Blog: And So The Insecurity Begins

Posted by on Jan 20, 2015 in Blog | 0 comments

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There were some fun highlights from this episode of the Bachelor. However, the big theme that came out is that the women are acting like…women–full of insecurities and jealousy. I will talk this through and give some tips on how NOT to exhibit the same traits as the Bachelor woman.

Before I get into the insecurity and jealousy, I wanted to talk about a couple of my favorite highlights. What were your favorite moments from the show?

Jimmy Kimmel was a funny addition. I liked his shower with Chris and his ride in the back of the limo. He was a crack up! He made that Costco date pretty funny with Chris and Kaitlyn too.

What was up with Jillian and her butt hanging out every second? It was hilarious that every shot of her had a black box over her butt. I think she will forever be known as the girl with her ass hanging out, and the awkward girl that wouldn’t get out of the hot tub with Chris.

Another highlight was the wedding crasher date Chris had with Whitney. At the beginning I thought Whitney was annoying because of her perky, high voice. But she seemed to do great on her date with Chris and they really enjoyed each other. They both said that they could imagine being married to each other. I don’t know if that is because they were in that wedding environment or if they really just make a good match. They are both kinda cheesy and sweet so it may be perfect!

Now for insecurity on The Bachelor:

So I get that dating a guy while he dates 20 other girls is not ideal. But this is the set up of the Bachelor. It can’t be easy to watch the guy you like kissing many other girls but again, this is what happens on the show. We already struggle with insecurities but add the intensity of the aspects of The Bachelor and the girls are bound to get a little crazy.

The best example of this was Ashley (The Virgin) and her crying fit. She cried when Jillian wouldn’t get out of the hot tub with Chris because she thought Jillian had had her time and should let some other girls talk to him. I think she was really crying because she was jealous that Jillian was with Chris and it wasn’t her. It is a natural feeling to be jealous when you know the guy you like is interested in other girls. But the next thing she did showed even more of her insecurity. She told the camera that she just needs to gain her confidence back and if she got to kiss Chris she would feel better. So then she proceeded to cry to Chris and when she ate his face off kissing him, she somehow felt better. She needed the validation from Chris instead of being secure in herself.

I am sure it is easy to be caught up in the over romanticized world of The Bachelor, but a lot of these girls are doing the same thing that women do in normal dating situations. They are putting so much energy in getting Chris to like them that they aren’t even thinking about if they like him in return and have a mutual connection. They just think that because he is The Bachelor he is this perfect guy but he is not perfect for all of them. In normal life we do this too—think the guy must be perfect and start visualizing marrying him before realizing he is not perfect at all, or even someone I want to date!

So we need to:

1.) Live in the present and enjoy getting to know someone. Then after months of dating you can think about your future with this person.

2.) Learn the law of “Fuck Yes or No” which states that “When you want to get involved with someone new, they must inspire to you say “Fuck Yes” in order to proceed with them. The law of “Fuck Yes or No” also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, THEY must respond with a “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.” (from markmanson.net)

So, if Chris isn’t saying “Fuck Yes” to them, they shouldn’t want to stick around. But it feels like rejection so this is a hard concept to actually believe. But when you learn and practice the law of “Fuck Yes or No” it helps you see rejection as something different. It is just not the right match and you want to have a “Fuck Yes” feeling on both sides.

Amber, the bartender from Chicago who was eliminated this week said something great at the end. Even though she was hurt because it sucks to be rejected. She said, “I know someone is out there who is going to want to be with me.” That is important to remember and believe—that even if someone isn’t interested it doesn’t mean that all men won’t be. And you want to move on and open yourself up to someone who is going to say, “Fuck yes I want to be with you without a doubt!”

What do you think about woman’s insecurities in and out of The Bachelor? Are you ready to live by the law of “Fuck Yes or No?”

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